the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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