i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
