Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
