the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
