why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
