My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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