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Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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