Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
