I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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