Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Non-Jews are for practice
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
