Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
