Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
he fucked my hip out of place.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
