you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
