i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
