She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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