im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
