The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
