Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
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He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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