I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
