I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
