I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
