Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Enjoy the penises
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
