so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
