im gay
i know
yea but for you.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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