There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
