You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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