Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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