True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
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