If that was your dad, he is hot
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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