Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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