I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hippo gnu deer
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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