I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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