we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
