Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
