worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
