Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
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