I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Randomize
