So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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