I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
