Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
