don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Come see our sink grown plant.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
