kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
