his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
