Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Randomize
