They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
