my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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