i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
