New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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