bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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