i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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