I wannas sexs uuuuu
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
