The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
