apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
