Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
