she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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