Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
