I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
