sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
