Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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