you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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