Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Randomize
