Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
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Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
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He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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