There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize