It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
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Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
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Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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