No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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