Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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