I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
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he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
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He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
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