Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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