Will you blow on my dice?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize