i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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