The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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