there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
