I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
