Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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