I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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