I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
