What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
