Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
