i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
