i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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