I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
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