Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
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