I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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