I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
