I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
