this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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