do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
