She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
