So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
