Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Drake has all the answers
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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