My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
