sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
