I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
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