Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
